What a start to the day!! I woke up and just laid in bed. Cold knowing I have to turn on the heat at some time. The second alarm goes off it is now 5:45 and I am starting the day behind schedule. I try to get my husband to go get laundry from the basement, oh is it cold this morning. Then the phone rings, well nobody calls this early. So thinking someone is in trouble I answer the non-published number. It is the South Bend Police Department. What do they want, as I try to clear my mind knowing I have to make some kind of decision soon. I hear what she is saying but you know how it doesn't compute. Someone has broken the windows out at the shop I help to run. They broke though both sets of doors but did not steal anything. I am thrilled that nothing was stolen or broke, but why? Why would someone be so mean. The people that I work with all go out of our way to help people and to be extra kind. The only thing I can say is God was watching over the place. I know that people don't all believe in God but to me that is all I can say. We have everything down there for bands, the kitchen, coffee shop part and our church part. Nothing was taking just a mess to clean. Nobody knows who did it the officer just noticed it as she drove by. I hope that person got what they wanted out of it. I can not say why but I can say if that same person walked up to me and asked for help I would still give it. We are all dumb at one point in our life but at one point I would hope we would learn that our actions effect the ones around us even if we do not know them at that time. It was hard today to let that go. As anybody would I felt violated and was angry. The words that I spoke were not word that should have been said I wish no ill towards that person. I know that the word you speak can come back on yourself. Enough of my mindless rant now. Life is good all is there and nobody was hurt.

I have been thinking a lot about how my life is going. I think that you can only do what you can do and that there is only 24 hours in a day. I have learned to tell people that I can not do that. It is hard I am the go to person for so many things and I have taken on so much that I can no longer do things for everybody. Family does come first when you die are you going to say hey if I made that extra dollar for that company. No you are going to look at all the time you missed with the people you love.  Anyway a little look into my mental mind.

Well Devin is now 16:( I feel old. Darien is getting better he is getting infusion treatments twice a month and will start weekly injections in the next few months. We are still waiting to be approved for disability we have been turned down three times now but he is getting children special heath services which helps alot. Brandon is still spunky and my baby. Homeschooling is going alright but needs to be better organized on my end. Aaron is so close to getting done in school I want to dance. I have seen Chelsey from the FIX that was fun. I am hoping to get her a job with me. I work and work and work they are bringing on more people to help. YAH!!! I want to start bellydancing again and I think I will start with the next round of classes. I need time for me and I am going to just have to do it. I have nobody making me do it now. Lacy and Chelsey were the ones who made me last time and it made me feel awesome. Well need to go to work  :-(

Your life as a mom you would think would be easier as the kids get older and sick. Well I am wrong. Darien has been very sick for three weeks. First we both got pneumonia of course he got the brunt of it with the weak lungs. Then we all got food poisoning from Little Caesar's Pizza and Darien ended up at the ER. After all this the poor little guy got Punktate Keratosis of the eye. I guess it is a painful Virus that effect the cornea and is unexplainable but they think it was because our HMO will not pay for the eye drops he needs so the Dr. gave him the cheap ones and this might has caused it.  Well three weeks later I think we are all getting healthy I have completed the course of drugs they gave me. Darien is getting better and I can go out again and I am not sleeping all the time. After all this you would think that the kids and husband would be able to take care of themselves for a little while. NOPE!! OK done venting. One thing I think I realized is that moms are needed even when they get bigger. It felt overwhelming at first that I was sick and having to do all this stuff. Keeping house clean, feeding them, babying them to some extent. Looking back I realized I need to hold tight to this time because someday they will not need me even when sick. They will take care of themselves or have wives. Even in the bad times you need to make the memories last. I am young enough that I have the ability to do so much and also realize by talking to people my age just starting out to cherish the time. I keep telling my friends that it goes by so fast and it does. I am hoping that now I have realized this I can prepare myself for not having kids at home. I only have 7 more years until the kids might be gone. That sounds like allot but it is not by and measure. So even in the bad times you need to step back and be thankful for what is going on and that you have this time together.

Well the music is good on Friday Nights so good we are going to open Saturday Nights for the summer. I hope it keeps going good. As a family we love to run it all. We book the bands Aaron runs the sound board Devin works with the bands I run the coffee house that night and the two little ones are our runners and they get to play video games all night. We don't have a game system at home.  If you want to see the goings on www.uglymugs.wordpress.com or www.myspace.com/mugsmusicvenue If you are a band call me to set something up.

Well it is official Devin is having to repeat 3 of his classes. How do you get a teenager to realize that he is going to pay not the parents. Brandon is doing very well all A's and B's. Darien is doing allot better not all A's but he is trying hard. Devin is not even trying some days I don't know.  He is mad because he is not allowed to go to prom or anything now. He is only a freshman so he will have more proms.
School now is so important  that you can not get a job at McDonald's without it. Ok done venting.;-)

I don't think it would be just one. I like the 50's and 60's because it was such a time of passion and I like the look of the time also. WWII was over and family was important then. Everyone on the block knew each other and the little dime store is where you got everything. There were really no big super stores it was local from your neighbor.  Then when the Vietnam War started the time was full of views that were heartfelt. The music is pretty cool too. People were people not color in some eyes more so now. I think that is one thing I would like to take back to that time.

With the nice weather comes longer days. Now most of the time you would think this would be a good thing. For me this year I think it is more of  a reminder that work has to be done. When I owned my own business the kids trashed the house, so now I have to put it back together. Getting organized is the goal this year. Wow that is a big goal with three boys four if you count the hubby. Setting small goals I hope this works better than the way I was doing it were I tried to get it all done at once.  It would go so much better with the help of the boys :-)))) Right!! 

New note have you ever felt like all your good friends are gone and you are surrounded by fakes? That is how I feel now that my business is gone. My friends used to come down and hang out. I still talk to them sometimes but not often they have all got a lot going on and lives. I feel like I am just setting here wondering who I am now. I think I lost who I was and am. My husband has changed so much and the kids are getting older so where am I. Questions Oh well this journal may help me work that out.

Devin is my oldest and he is having his 15min of fame. He was on the front page of the weekend section of the local paper. Devin is getting well know in the area for booking shows and getting bands in.  He had another company come up to him and ask him if he would be interested in working for them on promotions also. They were shocked when I told them he was 15 years old. Now if I could get him to show this much interest in school we will be set. He thinks this is going to make him rich or something I guess.

3 more weeks until my husband is done with the semester of school. One more class to go and done for good:-))))

I think that I tell it how it is. My husband tells me I have no filter or tact when dealing with people. I also get very short with stupidity so in a conversation if you start being pointless I will walk away. I am getting older and I guess it is true that you get cranky with age.

My oldest is picking up his new car today:( It needs work but it was free. (91 Mustang convertible every boys dream car I hear)

I wanted so bad to go with him to pick it up because it is a big thing for him. For the first time I was put to the side it was a father and son thing. WOW now that was hard!!! I have the tree boys but this is a first. I guess that now that I thought about it I can see. This is something a dad dreams about. Getting the beater and fixing it up in time for the sixteenth birthday. Not having any girls I looked at those times of a boys life shared with fathers as including me. I see now those are still father and son times. I look at it a feel I am losing my baby boy, my first, my little buddy. I see now, since I've had time to think I am gaining a young man, still keeping my first son, and dad is gaining one of the guys. I see that moms have allot of the time the first 15 years. When the boys get to the age when dads can relate more and participate with more of a guy theme then it is time for mom to let go a little. Let the dads bond and make the memories like what I have of the first 15 years. I can only hope now all the things you say have meaning and will stick with them. Not only am I now sharing (not Losing) him more with dad but all the girls that now call and buddies that want to hang. I have to remember I am gaining a new man that has my boy locked inside with the memories we share.

My boss and I reviewed a tape that recorded workers Friday during the downtown pub party. I do not get how people can not follow simple instructions. Not only could they not do simple things required of them but we realized how much we hold there hands every day. We now need to decide if we are keeping them. I feel that if they are hampering business then you should not keep them. Would you let someone who is incompetent watch your child? NO. Then how can you leave your business in there hands? You can't. I think that for you to have a successful business then you need good people you can trust.

New note. My husband is almost done with school. He will have his Associate Degree in ECET. So the question is where do we go from here. With the economy the way it is do you move, do you stay, what to do? If you move to a good job will it last? Will you be able to get the new house because mortgage companies are dropping like flies? Oh the questions of it all.

My oldest Devin is playing in a band (like most 15y old boys) and got his first car. Darien got new glasses and hates it because he is 12 and into girls. Brandon is finally better, h was really sick. We live by the river and it has been flooding, we have not been affected, or so we thought. We must have cracks in the underground pipes. He has had a week immune system since he was little but it has gotten better as he got older. Well he some how got this weird infection from drinking contaminated water that knocked him on his butt for two weeks.

First day well let see***** I have been married for 13 years have 3 boys 10,12 and 15 and have a bulldog named Capone. I have no clue on how to do this so lets take a stab at. I am going crazy and am doing this to have fun.